Adam Grant Organizational psychologist at Wharton, #1 NYT bestselling author of THINK AGAIN, host of the Re:Thinking podcast.

“Do not propose collaboration on the first date. Way too soon. The worst cold emails I get are from people who say, hey, I just wanted to reach out and see if we could collaborate on a project. I'm like, I don't even know you. I just met you. Why don't instead you offer me an idea, a bit of advice, maybe even a piece of feedback or a suggestion.”

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques · October 2026

Adam Grant on finding "allies," people who share your goals, as distinct from pals (shared interests) and companions (shared values). His advice is to start by asking about their biggest challenge, or offering help, before asking for anything.

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques · 2026-10-19 Listen to the episode → More from Adam Grant →

Transcript

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques Around 17:30 into the episode

Adam Grant

…up a little bit. And so I actually think, Matt, this is the first step. If you want to improve your vibe with people that you're just meeting or you're trying to strengthen your connection with, I think you want to start by asking, am I trying to build a connection as allies, pals, or companions?

Matt Abrahams

…for me to think about these are the people with whom I really just want to be pals. And these are people who, for me, are our allies. I appreciate that. Let's take allies just as an example, if you don't mind. What might be a few things I could do to help myself form some of those relationships?

Adam Grant

Allies are people who share your goals. Pals are people who share your interests. And companions are people who share your core values. And if you're trying to enlist more allies in your life, you're basically looking for good collaborators. And I think that usually starts with asking people, what's the biggest challenge you're running into right now? Or what's a problem you would love somebody to help you to solve? And when people start to talk about the roadblocks they're running into, the obstacles they're encountering, you can immediately think of, okay, what do I know? Or who do I know that might be helpful there? That's, I think, the asking approach. If you want to start with offering instead, open up about one of your biggest challenges to achieving your goals and then say, hey, here's where I am right now. I'm stuck. Or here's what I'm trying to accomplish. I would love some help. Is this something that's exciting for you too? If so, maybe there's a way that we can collaborate or partner. But I want to put a giant disclaimer on this. Do not propose collaboration on the first date. Way too soon. The worst cold emails I…

Matt Abrahams

I appreciate you delineating the ways in which we can look to form allies and specifying the differences among the different types of relationships. One of the things I really like that you said was in these situations when you're trying to connect to Vibe, you can ask or you can offer. And it's…

Speaker 3

Let's take a quick break for a word from our sponsor, Strawberry.me. The real value of coaching is what it helps you see and what it helps you do differently. I have been coached and I have coached others. And for me, the value is clarity, seeing what you're doing well, where you're getting in your…

Matt Abrahams

This has been a fantastic conversation, Adam. Before we end, as you well know, I like to ask three questions. One I make up just for you and two, I've been asking everybody as long as the show has been going. Are you okay with that?

Speaker names from our own diarization · position estimated from where the line sits in the episode

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