Things Adam Grant Has Said on Podcasts

“Do not propose collaboration on the first date. Way too soon. The worst cold emails I get are from people who say, hey, I just wanted to reach out and see if we could collaborate on a project. I'm like, I don't even know you. I just met you. Why don't instead you offer me an idea, a bit of advice, maybe even a piece of feedback or a suggestion.” — Adam Grant, Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Adam Grant on finding "allies," people who share your goals, as distinct from pals (shared interests) and companions (shared values). His advice is to start by asking about their biggest challenge, or offering help, before asking for anything.

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques · 2026-10-19 Permalink → Listen →

Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques Around 17:30 into the episode

Adam Grant

…up a little bit. And so I actually think, Matt, this is the first step. If you want to improve your vibe with people that you're just meeting or you're trying to strengthen your connection with, I think you want to start by asking, am I trying to build a connection as allies, pals, or companions?

Matt Abrahams

…for me to think about these are the people with whom I really just want to be pals. And these are people who, for me, are our allies. I appreciate that. Let's take allies just as an example, if you don't mind. What might be a few things I could do to help myself form some of those relationships?

Adam Grant

Allies are people who share your goals. Pals are people who share your interests. And companions are people who share your core values. And if you're trying to enlist more allies in your life, you're basically looking for good collaborators. And I think that usually starts with asking people, what's the biggest challenge you're running into right now? Or what's a problem you would love somebody to help you to solve? And when people start to talk about the roadblocks they're running into, the obstacles they're encountering, you can immediately think of, okay, what do I know? Or who do I know that might be helpful there? That's, I think, the asking approach. If you want to start with offering instead, open up about one of your biggest challenges to achieving your goals and then say, hey, here's where I am right now. I'm stuck. Or here's what I'm trying to accomplish. I would love some help. Is this something that's exciting for you too? If so, maybe there's a way that we can collaborate or partner. But I want to put a giant disclaimer on this. Do not propose collaboration on the first date. Way too soon. The worst cold emails I…

Matt Abrahams

I appreciate you delineating the ways in which we can look to form allies and specifying the differences among the different types of relationships. One of the things I really like that you said was in these situations when you're trying to connect to Vibe, you can ask or you can offer. And it's…

Speaker 3

Let's take a quick break for a word from our sponsor, Strawberry.me. The real value of coaching is what it helps you see and what it helps you do differently. I have been coached and I have coached others. And for me, the value is clarity, seeing what you're doing well, where you're getting in your…

Matt Abrahams

This has been a fantastic conversation, Adam. Before we end, as you well know, I like to ask three questions. One I make up just for you and two, I've been asking everybody as long as the show has been going. Are you okay with that?

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“I think an AI companion is actually an oxymoron because relationships are a two-way street. It's not just about what you receive, it's also about what you give. And you have nothing to give to an AI. It doesn't need your emotional support. It doesn't feel joy when you tell a joke.” — Adam Grant, Squawk Pod

Organizational psychologist Adam Grant, asked by Andrew Ross Sorkin about AI and human connection, says he is worried by people substituting chatbots for real relationships. He calls the result simulated interaction, frictionless and sycophantic, in place of the messy but meaningful real thing.

Squawk Pod · 2026-10-13 Permalink → Listen →

Squawk Pod Around 39:54 into the episode

Speaker 4

I should have called her right away. Definitely.

Andrew Ross Sorkin

When you think, though, about which we sort of started this segment by talking about AI and the idea that people may not be communicating as much in the future, how do you think about that?

Speaker 4

I'm worried about it. There's a growing number of people who are substituting real human interaction for chatbots. And I think an AI companion is actually an oxymoron because relationships are a two-way street. It's not just about what you receive, it's also about what you give. And you have nothing to give to an AI. It doesn't need your emotional support. It doesn't feel joy when you tell a joke. It doesn't actually need any help. And so I think we have simulated interaction, which is frictionless and sycophantic, substituting for the real thing, which is messy but meaningful.

Andrew Ross Sorkin

Here's the thing I was thinking about in that work context because there's so many business folks who are watching us. You like somebody who's not great at their job. And that's complicated because you may think they're a great person, but maybe not as talented or working as hard as you want them…

Speaker 4

Well, just because you like someone does not mean you're going to like working with them. And at some point, we all discover that there are people that we enjoy interacting with who are great friends, but they're not necessarily that competent. So what do you do in that situation? First thing you…

Andrew Ross Sorkin

Okay, flip it around. Person's super talented, but you don't love them. Can you find a way to love them?

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“If there's one thing that we could all do that will both strengthen our bonds, build better communities, and boost happiness, it's introducing our friends to each other. It turns out that building bridges is actually more rewarding than deepening bonds.” — Adam Grant, Plain English with Derek Thompson

Grant calls this the most important practical takeaway from writing his book Vibe. It came up while he and Derek Thompson discussed the risk of handing social tasks to chatbots, which would let us lose the skill of connecting people ourselves.

Plain English with Derek Thompson · 2026-10-13 Permalink → Listen →

Plain English with Derek Thompson Around 54:21 into the episode

Adam Grant

…look, you know, basically AI tools are there to provide information. They're like a superpowered search engine. They can synthesize information more quickly, sometimes at the expense of accuracy. But ultimately, they are not a substitute for thinking and they are not a substitute for interacting.

Derek Thompson

…a world where the bicycle shape of our social networks is really frozen in place. You can't have webbed relationships with AI. That's something that scares me, especially given what you said about the significance of the power of a more web-shaped social network for providing community to people.

Adam Grant

…the social awareness to check in with each of them first and do the double opt-in introduction because I don't want to barge into one person's life and dump somebody in who's not wanted there. And if we're just outsourcing those decisions to a chatbot, we're going to lose the skill ourselves to middle. And Derek, I think one of the most important practical takeaways for me of writing vibe was: if there's one thing that we could all do that will both strengthen our bonds, build better communities, and boost happiness, it's introducing our friends to each other. It turns out that building bridges is actually more rewarding than deepening bonds. The sheer joy that we get out of just connecting two people and saying, hey, I can't wait to watch the sparks fly, is much more satisfying than sitting down to people who have met 19 times before and saying, okay, I really want to work on bringing the two of you closer. And so I think the art of the introduction might be one of the most important social skills that we have not invested enough in.

Derek Thompson

Well, I think the Larry David solution to the crisis of social connection in the 21st century is the perfect place to stop. Adam Grant you so much. This is great.

Adam Grant

Thank you, Derek. As always, I've learned a lot. And I did not expect Larry David to be telling us how to have better interactions. Like the Larry David theory of connection was not on my bingo card for today.

Derek Thompson

It's a great bookend. It's a great bookend.

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“I worry a lot that increasingly people are defaulting to AI companions, which I actually think is an oxymoron. I don't think a chatbot can be a companion because by definition, companionship is a two-way street. You could receive simulated emotional support… But guess what? You can't give it back.” — Adam Grant, Plain English with Derek Thompson

Derek Thompson asked how Grant talks to his children about AI as a tool versus a friend. Grant says he never lets AI write a sentence for them, because learning needs friction. He tells them chatbots are a superpowered search engine, not a substitute for thinking or for people.

Plain English with Derek Thompson · 2026-10-13 Permalink → Listen →

Plain English with Derek Thompson Around 52:11 into the episode

Adam Grant

…which my sister and I found out that our parents were getting divorced. And instantly, like companions came out of the woodwork right at that gathering of mostly strangers. And so I think just a little bit of planning goes a long way for helping people to find a wavelength that they could vibe on.

Derek Thompson

I really love that answer. Last question. I don't want to ask you about AI at the level of society. You have children. How do you talk to your children about AI as a tool versus a friend?

Adam Grant

…situations where we have to confront challenges? They might be social challenges. I worry a lot that increasingly people are defaulting to AI companions, which I actually think is an oxymoron, Derek. I don't think a chatbot can be a companion because by definition, companionship is a two-way street, right? You could receive simulated emotional support, I guess, from Claude or ChatGPT or Gemini. But guess what? You can't give it back. They are not going to know what it feels like to experience grief or sorrow or despair. And so you have nothing to offer and you can't be a companion and therefore you cannot have companionship. And I'm trying to have that conversation with our kids to say, look, you know, basically AI tools are there to provide information. They're like a superpowered search engine. They can synthesize…

Derek Thompson

I'm thinking of your answer and connecting it with something you said maybe 40 minutes ago about how our social networks are changing their shape. They used to look like webs and now they look like bicycles with a hub with individual one-on-one relationships with the spokes. As some of those spokes…

Adam Grant

I think that's a really good point. And it's a worrisome trend because if we start to offload some of these habits to AI, right? I can imagine somebody who's listening to or watching this conversation right now saying, you know what? I'm going to build the app so that when one friend finds out that…

Derek Thompson

Well, I think the Larry David solution to the crisis of social connection in the 21st century is the perfect place to stop. Adam Grant you so much. This is great.

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