“When it comes to compatibility, we could predict exactly 0% of what makes two people compatible. … It is not possible to do with troves of self-reported information about who you are. … Some people really liked each other and some people really didn't. But thus far, we have been completely unable to explain ahead of time why two people end up being compatible.”

…but they also like these men more when they seem ambitious, when they seem smart and supportive and funny and kind and all of those great qualities. So generally speaking, we see more or less the same thing, but the research on this, looking at live attraction, is actually still pretty limited.

You and your colleagues, notably the psychologist Samantha Joel, have looked for evidence that compatibility between two people can be predicted in advance by knowing a lot about the people involved. What have she and others found on this, Paul?

If compatibility is hard to predict in advance, how do we know when we have found the one? When we come back, what science can teach you about finding your soulmate? You may also want to check out our companion story about online dating on Hidden Brain Plus. We examine how dating apps mislead us…

I think compatibility is tightly tied to history, the story that you have with a particular person and how that story evolves and changes over time. I think this is easiest for people to intuit when they think about an ongoing relationship. That if this is somebody that you've had in your life for…

It's almost like a gardening metaphor here. You have these two saplings and they basically are growing together and they're entwining and intertwining and supporting one another. And, you know, 10 years later, we say, of course, well, you know, they're clearly supporting each other. They're…